Never gonna give you up

And I say 'never gonna let you down'. It's me. Again. Writing shit that nobody wants to read but free time and such has allowed the internet to create such wonder. The internet can create wonders. It connects so many people, creates bonds from afar. Like WoW nerds who go raiding together and then try to figure out what a pair of real boobs look like. Truly charming. But this one blog entry has an owner. An owner who isn't as avaiable as always, but I hope to God that this will somehow be found. Like a note in a bottle.

Before you go ahead and block this off too, take a minute to read a bit of internet sincerity guys, will you?

Age. It defines so many things and yet so little. I am a person full of regrets and embarrassments, and yet I find myself to be at least a decent person. I think I've made mistakes. And I'm sorry for them. Some of them I'm just sorry, some of them I wish with all my might I had never even got to commit them. Sometimes, the bonds and limits vanish like there is nothing that separates two minds and shit happens. Yes. I know I've made a horrible mistake. You have every right to be upset. I had no right to do what I did, and it was probably something horrendous to do without context. But I meant every single nice word. Which is hard to do when you can't see my face. Even though you'll probably hate me. Hate me then. I can accept that. But blame me. Only on me. I value that person so much, it's insane to think such a thing would grow on the internet. I'm not a loon. I'm not crazy. I'm perfectly god damn sane college student with perfectly above the average grades and I knew what I was getting into.

If this is the new way things are, so be it. But know that it will change nothing at all. Except maybe severing a bond that would've grown into something you guys would've liked. Who knows. I'm just ranting again.

The point is, it will not go away. I'm patient, I don't hold grudges. If anyone is to blame it is me and I apologise. Don't punish a person who didn't commit anything evil or despicable. I still think you guys are great people and if you think I can fake all of this stuff just to stalk someone, you're giving me way too much credit and - with due respect - you don't know me. At all. Which is a shame, since I looked forward to meet you.

I'll still be here, if anything comes up. If things can be talked through, I'll be glad to do it. I'm sorry for the trouble. So deeply sorry. I'm not gonna lie, it hurts. It hurst me. I'm a human being and I'm hurt by this. But if anything, I just wish my pain is greater than that person's. If this wasn't meant to be, I hope she didn't even feel the same way I felt because that way she's gonna get over it faster. Just that.I still hope this doesn't end. But this is the best I can do right now. That, and doing my best to not break down. Maybe you guys don't get it, but I wish the best for her. A person who she knew on the internet. And if you guys think that not talking to me ever again is the best for her, then I'm destroyed. But there's nothing on my power that I can do right now. And you will probably block this site too. If you already haven't.

This isn't just a message for her, it's for you too. Her family. The people she has told me several times she loves. The fun, wise-cracking dad, the loving, caring mother, the chill, relaxed brother. Wonderful people I'll never forget because for better or worse, this will be engraved in my memory not as a grudge or sadness, but as a reminder. A reminded that once upon a time, two people found each other a were happy. For a small time. From afar. Truly and honestly.

It's what loneliness can do.

Best wishes.

Avocado.

P.S : That swordfight is still on, Mr.Superkamikazecacatuar. I'm a man of my word. I keep my promises. I always do. To you, or your daughter.